physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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