Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
