Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
pray to the hookup gods
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
