Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
