My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
