You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
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Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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