my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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