last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
