So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
