Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
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