no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
