when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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