so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
