i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
