I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
