This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
