I love having hate sex.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
