What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dating After Heartbreak
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.