I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
