I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar