hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.