so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .