i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree