Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes

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(503): View more from Oregon

He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"

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(513): View more from Ohio

My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going

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(256): View more from Alabama

Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(937): View more from Ohio

The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life

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(443): View more from Maryland

There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....

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