Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.

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(817): View more from Texas

just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.

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(707): View more from California

the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.

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(607): View more from New York

you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(715): View more from Wisconsin

somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.

(920): View more from Wisconsin

where's the fun in that?

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(214): View more from Texas

It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.

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(330): View more from Ohio

It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?

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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything

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