I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
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