these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
whose parrot is this?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome