who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is Oprah even human
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.