Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Are my feet made of real feet?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
