my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
