oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
