Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
