I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
