Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
