so that wasnt chicken after all
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
