he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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