Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
