He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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