jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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