Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
