i already hear my dad disowning me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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