she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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