haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
