Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
