To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
