Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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