Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Swine flu. Run for my life!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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