There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
