Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
