i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
