I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
