I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
