did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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