Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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