smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I believe in your delicious
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
