He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
false alarm, still single
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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