never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
