It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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