please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize