why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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