in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
