First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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