Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
ugly people sure do ruin things
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize