this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
