carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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