I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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