the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
