I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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