she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
