the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
