im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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