im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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