Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
